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Infantilism And Marriage

These are just some of my thoughts about dealing with infantilism in the context of a marriage. I'm married, and my wife knows all about my infantilism, but even the thought of participating in it upsets her a great deal, so we've come to an agreement that I can wear diapers and play baby as long as I don't try to involve her.

I know there are others out there in more and less accepting situations, so please feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt. But please, at least think about it.

Don't Keep Secrets

In a relationship it's not a good idea to keep secrets from your partner, especially if it's a sexual relationship and the secret has to do with your sexual makeup. How long are you going to be with this person? How long are you planning to keep your infantilism or your fetish a secret? If it's a lifetime relationship, are you going to keep the secret forever? Are you willing to try to keep it a secret for the rest of your life?

Remember also that the longer you try to keep the secret, the more opportunities your partner is going to have to find out accidentally. In my opinion it's better to spill the beans sooner than later, because the longer you wait before telling (or before your partner finds out by himself/herself), the worse the damage will be. Think about it: if someone you'd been in a relationship with for years suddenly came out and told you something they'd been hiding from you all that time, what would be the first thing you'd think? I'll bet that one of the first things would be, "What else has he/she been hiding from me?"

Maybe You'll Get Lucky

On the net, in the DPF Newsletter, and so forth, we hear tales of partners of infantilists who have embraced their significant others' fetish. At least some of these stories must be true. It could be that your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse might really get into diapers, if he or she ever tried them, but the occasion just never arose. Maybe your partner will want to wear them with you or will want to diaper you. You can't tell until you tell.

Or Maybe You Won't

If everybody got lucky, they wouldn't call it luck. Realistically, it's more likely that you'll find your partner resistant to your fetish, if not downright against it. That's why it's probably a good idea not to bring it up in a way that puts pressure on your partner.

Once you've let the cat out of the bag, give your partner time to get used to the idea. Don't bug him or her about it. Maybe he or she will bring it up again later. If not, try mentioning it again, but be careful! Maybe he or she wasn't mentioning it because he or she doesn't want to think about it.

Be Ready to Compromise

Chances are that your partner won't immediately embrace the wonders of infantilism with all his or her heart, but they probably won't completely reject it categorically either. You may want infantilism added to your relationship; if so, perhaps this can be done to some degree. (It's also possible that your partner just may not agree to this.) Or perhaps you don't want infantilism as a part of your relationship, but you're tired of sneaking around.

Make a Deal

This is a relationship we're talking about; both of you have your needs. Whatever they are, get them out in the open and find a way to satisfy them all (or as many as possible). If you want your partner to baby you once in a while, find out what he or she will do and what he or she will not do. Perhaps you can find a way to sweeten the deal — maybe the two of you could have sex, and then he or she could diaper you and put you to bed. The important thing is that each of you gets something he/she wants.

It's Not Fetish vs. Partner

Your partner may feel that you love your diapers more than you love him or her. It's up to you to make sure he or she doesn't feel this way. You can tell your partner all about your values, but the only way to really convince him or her is by your actions. Never let them think you don't love them. Whatever you've been doing to show your love for your partner, keep right on doing it, and maybe try to think of more things. It certainly can't hurt.

Things Will Work Out

Whatever happens, always remember that you value the relationship. (It might not hurt to remind your partner of that, either.) As long as you're committed to always working things out, things will always work out. Your relationship may change, but as long as you value the relationship more than you value your baby things, it won't end. If your compromise isn't working out, work out a new one.

Tough Questions

The above is only true if your partner is willing to compromise. What happens if he or she isn't? It's true; some people just aren't accepting of infantilism, for whatever reason. You may still be able to compromise: can you wear your diapers by yourself? can you play baby with somebody else, as long as there's no sex? But in some cases they just want your diapers and/or baby stuff gone from both your lives.

You and I both know that's not going to happen. You'll just go into hiding. And that's where some of the tough questions come into play. Are you prepared to continue hiding from your partner like this for the rest of your life (or however long the relationship lasts)? Will you be happy living like this? And again, what is going to happen when your partner finds out, which is likely to happen eventually?

There are several options. Ending the relationship is one obvious one, but that has to be reserved as a last resort. There is marriage or relationship counseling. Why is your partner so adamant about denying a part of you? Perhaps your partner has misconceptions about infantilism, or just needs time to get used to it. Perhaps he or she sees infantilism as some kind of "weapon" you're using "against" him or her. Perhaps you didn't tell your partner earlier on, so he or she views it as deception on your part. Counseling may be the way to clear up these misconceptions; often if your partner won't listen to you, they'll listen to someone impartial.

Again, please take any advice I may have given with a grain of salt; I don't know anything about your relationship, only my own. Whatever happens, though, my hope for you is that you and your partner find a way for you to explore your feelings freely and fully.